On the back of the book in Left Behind, a blurb summarizes the contents.
His writing is like his pencils...Short + sharp. Get ready to chuckle, chortle and maybe groan a little with the second handy pun book by comedian Will Livingston. Be the life of any party! Or perhaps the death of it. We accept no blame for cracked ribs, stitched sides or rolled eyes.
Known jokes in the bookEdit
The following puns are known to have come from this book when Ellie announces the book's title in the Pittsburgh chapter.
- "It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope. It'll still be stationary."
- "What did the Confederate soldiers use to eat off of? Civil ware."
- "What did they use to drink with? Cups. Dixie Cups."
- "I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra. It was a booby-trap."
- "A book just fell on my head, I only have my shelf to blame."
- "What is the leading cause of divorce in long-term marriages? A stalemate."
- "Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis."
- "A moon rock tastes better than an earthly rock because it's meteor."
- "A backwards poet writes inverse."
- "I used to be addicted to soap. But I'm clean now."
- "3.14% of sailors are Pi Rates."
- "I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me."
- "What did the mermaid wear to her math class? An algae bra."
- "Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field."
- "I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist."
- "You know what's not right? (Joel questions, "Left?") (Ellie answers, "Yeah.")
- "What does a pirate say while eating sushi? Ahoy! Pass me some soy!"
- "People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow..." (Ellie comments, "Too soon...")
- "You wanna hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it was too cheesy."
- "What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, you idiot!"
Joke from Sam:
- "Why can't a nose be 12 inches? Because then it would be a foot."
The following puns are known to have come from this book after Riley gives it to Ellie in Left Behind.
- "A boiled egg in the morning is really hard to beat."
- "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down."
- "I'm glad I know sign language. It's become quite handy."
- "I forgot how to throw a boomerang. But it came back to me."
- "When a clock is hungry... It goes back four seconds."
- "I once heard a joke about amnesia... But I forget how it goes."
- "When the power went out at the school... The children... were de-lighted."
- "Those fish were shy. They were obviously coy."
- "The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands."
- "I didn't have the faintest idea... as to why I passed out."
- "There was once a crossed-eyed teacher... who had issues controlling his pupils."
- "Diarrhea is hereditary... It runs in your genes."
- "I heard two peanuts walk into a park... One was as-salted."
- "What is a pirate's favorite letter? Tis' the c."
- "Those two men drinking battery acid will soon be charged."
- "The midget psychic escaped prison. He was a small medium at large."
- "I'm inclined...to be laid back."
- "Newspaper headline reads: Cartoonist found dead at home, details are sketchy."
- "The Magician got frustrated and pulled his hare out."
- "A criminal`s best asset... is his lie-ability."
- "I heard about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda. He is lucky it was a soft drink."
- "It's not that the guy didn't know how to juggle... He just didn't have the balls to do it."
Jokes from Riley:
- "What did the triangle say to the circle? You're so pointless."
- "What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late? A cold shoulder!"